After spending two weeks in Canada and being largely removed from social media, I’ve found myself wanting to be away from the computer more and more. Posting random status updates seems futile and silly (hey, no judgement to others at all! this is just me and how I feel right now) Maybe posting a blog isn’t much different? I digress.
Back in February we applied for Josiah to attend a local charter school that I’d fallen in love with. I loved the curriculum, how they teach the preschool and kindergarten age groups (lots and lots of social and play time, which they need!). I prayed so hard for him to get accepted, and when he wasn’t I was pretty lost as to what to do next year. It’s a constant battle of homeschooling vs. sending him to school. I WANT to homeschool because I want to protect Josiah. Kids these days know too much too soon, and I want to maintain his innocence for as long as possible. I fear him being stuck at a desk and shoved too much homework at such an early age. Obviously, fear is dictating a lot of my feelings, I’m aware of that. But Josiah and I also butt heads when it comes to learning things. This is probably most parent’s battle, but it’s a big battle here. And reality – he’s an only child. I want him around other kids learning how to be social (yes co-ops, sports, etc all exist).
I’ll just outright say it. I feel completely incapable of parenthood in this approaching season. Planning and successfully executing a homeschool curriculum and extracurricular activities OVERWHELMS me. I want to be able to focus on Stephanie Dawn Photography and Steeped Tea. I’m not the do everything and be everything all at once type (you homeschool moms running home businesses are true superstars). Having 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there without a kid begging for my attention isn’t productive for me. I’m staring at a big fork in the road with no road map, and I’m constantly praying and asking God for wisdom and direction, but I only stand there without answers.
So if anyone has been in my position before (especially if you are a one child family), I welcome your advice, encouragement and prayers.