Now What?

Back in January I was feeling kind of crummy. I felt out of control, unsuccessful, forgotten…mediocre. That was the word plaguing my heart. It wasn’t until mid February that I confessed these thoughts to anyone, even my husband. Training for a marathon became a way for me to overcome those lies and push past boundaries I’d set up against myself. It has taught me a certain steadfastness that I couldn’t comprehend before. When you are out on a 16 mile run, you’ve got nothing but time and the ground beneath your feet. You literally have to focus only on the few steps ahead of you. The minute you start thinking that you’re only at mile 5 and have 11 more to go is the minute your faith begins to deteriorate.

Life is this way isn’t it? We may not be in the place we want to be, either in our careers, families, dreams, goals. And to look beyond what’s right within eyesight becomes utterly crippling. I’ve learned to give thanks for even the most minute of details, to be fully present right here, right now. I’m only 26, so I’m going to take my photography business one day, one month at a time. I’m going to love on Josiah with every last fiber of my being and treasure the gift that he is. I’m going to praise God for the simple and quiet season of life with my husband that were in right now. It may not always be this easy going, and I’m thankful.

Before marathon training I had a steady 9:30/mile pace. It’s now about a 10:45. My goal is get closer to a 9:00/mile. I plan on keeping a base weekly mileage of 20-25 miles with a focus of getting faster and stronger. Before training I could do a couple of unassisted pull ups. Uhhhh…time to get back to some crossfit and powerlifting. My next goal is a sub 2 hour half marathon, and then next January I’ll train for the OKC marathon again.

All I have is time, and the ground beneath my feet. I’ll keep my heart steady. I am not mediocre. I am not forgotten. I am stronger than I ever could have imagined.

I think it’s finally time to get that tattoo.



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