Every time you or I start to grow weary and feel discouraged, we need to stop and “Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary or lose heart.” -Hebrews 12:3
So maybe this isn’t the best and most light hearted way to start a blog, but it’s the forefront of my journey and my heart, and I just don’t know where else to start.
For two years and 5 months we’ve tried to have another baby. After we hit the two year mark I began to accept that maybe this just wasn’t going to happen, and began pleading with the Lord to fully satisfy my heart and trust Him. And I also wanted answers. How is that we were able to get pregnant so quickly and easily with Josiah, but not now? What happened to my body?! Surely my hormones or something isn’t working anymore. So we’ve been seeing a fertility specialist the past couple of months, getting test upon test completed on both of us. And test after test has only said NORMAL; HEALTHY; NOTHING WRONG. Officially, UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY. Not exactly the answer I was looking to receive.
It would be easier to hear “yes, your hormones are severely out of whack – here’s how to fix this!” Or “your husband has this going on – here’s how to fix it!” Instead, the answer is simply what I’ve suspected in my heart all along: God is in charge of all of this, not me.
Sure we could pursue IVF or other expensive treatments, but we have zero desire to go that route. And instead we ask God, over and over, satisfy us fully in You! Help us to live, fully, where we are right now. Faith like this takes unbelievable endurance. Like running a marathon.
And training for a marathon has made me feel more fully alive than I ever have before. Which I’ll talk more about in a few days 🙂